Friendship

I want to spend sometime examining friendships and ultimately how that impacts our friendship with God and how we get it wrong. How God’s friendship with us is unique and very different friendships with other humans.

Peer Friendship Across Different Ages

In order to start I am examining friendship by ages and what it means.

Children (e.g., ages 6-10)

Value: Primarily based on shared activities, play, and immediate fun. Friendship offers companionship, a sense of belonging, and opportunities to develop social skills like sharing and cooperation. It’s often fluid and can change based on shared interests at that moment.
Differences: Less emphasis on emotional intimacy and more on doing things together. Conflicts might arise over toys or rules but are often quickly resolved. Loyalty is developing but can be less abstract than in later years.

Teenagers (e.g., ages 13-17)

Value: Crucial for identity formation, belonging, and navigating the challenges of adolescence. Friends provide emotional support, understanding, and a sounding board for new experiences and feelings. Loyalty and shared values become more important.
Differences: Increased emotional intimacy and self-disclosure. Peer pressure and the need for social acceptance can heavily influence friendships. There’s often a greater focus on shared interests, music, and social activities. Cliques and social groups can play a significant role.

Adults (e.g., ages 30-50)

Value: Offers emotional support, companionship, and a sense of connection amidst the demands of work, family, and other responsibilities. Friends can provide different perspectives and help navigate life’s challenges. Shared life experiences (careers, parenting) can form strong bonds.
Differences: Friendships may be fewer in number due to time constraints but often deeper and more resilient. Shared values and mutual respect become paramount. Support during significant life events (marriage, career changes, raising children) is highly valued.

Older Adults (e.g., ages 70+)

Value: Combating loneliness and isolation becomes increasingly important. Friends offer companionship, a sense of purpose, and a connection to the past. Shared memories and experiences create strong bonds. Support during health challenges and life transitions (retirement, loss of spouse) is crucial.
Differences: Friendships may be more geographically limited due to mobility. Shared history and understanding of life’s journey are highly valued. Practical support and simply having someone to talk to can be incredibly significant.

Friendship in Different Relationship Dynamics

Families

Sisters: Often a unique bond built on shared upbringing, family history, and a deep understanding of each other’s personalities and quirks. Can range from incredibly close and supportive to complex and sometimes competitive. There’s an inherent long-term connection and often a sense of unconditional love, even amidst disagreements.

Brothers: Similar to sisters, often rooted in shared experiences and family dynamics. Can involve a different dynamic in terms of shared interests (sometimes more activity-based) and ways of expressing affection. Sibling rivalry can be a factor, but so too can a strong sense of camaraderie and mutual support.

Father and Daughter/Son: A cross-generational friendship that evolves as the daughter matures. In childhood, it’s often based on caregiving and guidance. As the daughter grows, it can develop into a friendship based on mutual respect, shared interests, and emotional support. The father may offer wisdom and experience, while the daughter can bring fresh perspectives.

Mother and Daughter/Son: Another significant cross-generational bond that can be deeply emotional and complex. Often involves a strong element of nurturing and guidance, evolving into a relationship of mutual support, understanding, and shared womanhood. Can sometimes navigate unique challenges related to expectations and independence.

As you can see, the essence and expression of friendship are deeply shaped by the individuals involved and the stage of life they are in. The needs we seek to fulfil through friendship – companionship, support, belonging, understanding – remain constant, but the way these needs are met and the dynamics of the relationships evolve beautifully over time and across different connections.

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I want to move on and explore how friendships on earth offer us a unique perspective on our friendship with God. To consider the values and dynamics we cherish in our earthly friendships and how they might relate to our connection with the Divine. There are also some major differences as well.

Dynamics of Relationship Development and Two-Way Connection

In human friendships, relationships deepen through shared experiences, open communication, mutual support, and time spent together. There’s a natural ebb and flow of giving and receiving. We offer our time, empathy, and practical help, and we receive the same in return. This reciprocity is vital for a healthy friendship to flourish.

Friendship with God, in some ways, mirrors this desire for connection and interaction. However, the dynamics are inherently different due to the nature of God and humanity.

Our Initiative

We often initiate and cultivate our friendships with other humans. With God, the initial invitation and the very possibility of friendship come from Him. As 1 John 4:19 states, “We love because he first loved us.” This highlights that our desire for connection with God is a response to His prior love and initiative.

Two-Way Connection

While God is always present and His love is constant, our side of the “two-way connection” involves prayer, seeking His will, listening for His guidance (often through scripture, experiences, and the Holy Spirit), and living in accordance with His teachings. It’s not a relationship of equals in terms of power or being, but it is a relationship that thrives on our active engagement and response. James 4:8 encourages us, “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” This emphasises the reciprocal nature that our intentionality invites a closer presence of God in our lives.

Development Over Time

Our understanding and experience of friendship with God certainly develop over time. As we grow in our faith, study His Word, and experience His presence in our lives, our relationship deepens. We learn more about His character, His faithfulness, and the depth of His love. However, God’s nature and His love for us remain constant (Malachi 3:6: “For I the Lord do not change”). The change occurs in our perception and understanding, not in God Himself.

God’s Values and How He Sees Us

There is an ultimate value God places on humanity by sending His Son, Jesus, to die for us. Romans 5:8 powerfully expresses this: “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” This act underscores the immeasurable worth we have in God’s eyes.

Other aspects of God’s values that shape our friendship with Him include.

Love and Grace: God’s love is unconditional and extends to us even when we fall short. His grace is the unmerited favour He bestows upon us (Ephesians 2:8-9). This forms the bedrock of our friendship – a love that doesn’t depend on our perfection but on His perfect nature.

Truth and Righteousness: God values truth and calls us to live righteously (Micah 6:8: “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?”). Our friendship with Him involves striving to align our lives with His principles.

Faith and Trust: God values our faith in Him and our trust in His promises (Hebrews 11:6: “And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him”). Our friendship grows as we learn to trust His guidance and rely on His strength.

Bible Verses for Reflection

John 15:15: “No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” This verse, spoken by Jesus, explicitly offers the concept of friendship with God.

Psalm 25:14: “The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.” This speaks to the intimacy and privileged communication that comes with a reverent relationship with God.

Philippians 3:10: “that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.” Paul’s desire to “know Him” speaks to a deep, experiential friendship with Christ.

Questions for Reflection

How do I actively cultivate my “two-way connection” with God through prayer, scripture reading, and seeking His guidance?
How does understanding God’s immense love for me (as demonstrated in the sacrifice of Jesus) impact my view of my own worth and my relationship with Him?
In what ways am I striving to align my values and actions with God’s values of love, truth, and righteousness?
Where do I need to deepen my trust in God and His promises?
How can I better listen for God’s voice and guidance in my daily life?

A Celtic Blessing on All Friendships

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
the rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

And may the blessing of deep connection, mutual support, and enduring love be upon all your friendships, both earthly and divine. Amen.