Have you ever woken up with a proper heavy weight on your chest. A feeling, like God’s lookin’ down a bit disappointed, it is a tough one, it really is. Many of us who follow Jesus know that feeling, so you’re not on your own there, mind.
It’s a horrible twisty knot in your stomach, isn’t it? Wanting to do right, but finding yourself drawn to things you know aren’t good, and worse still, finding a bit of enjoyment in ’em sometimes. Then comes the guilt, the ‘sorry’, and that nagging fear that maybe God’s just… fed up. Like He’s tapping His foot, waiting for us to finally get it right.
But let’s have a little think, alright?
Is it Disappointment, or is it Grief?
Sometimes we use the word ‘disappointed’, but maybe what’s closer to God’s heart is ‘grief’. When you love someone, like I love Anna and my girls, Abigail and Mia, I don’t get ‘disappointed’ in them in a cold, judging way when they mess up. I might feel sad for them, grieved because I love them and I see them hurting themselves or going down a tricky path. God’s love for us is infinitely deeper than even our best human love. Sin grieves Him (Ephesians 4:30 talks about not grieving the Holy Spirit) not because we’ve failed some divine checklist, but because He loves us so much, knows what’s truly best for us, and sees how sin messes things up and separates us from the good things He has for us. It hurts Him because He loves me.
You’re in Good Company, Mate
Think about the Apostle Paul – proper giant of the faith, right? He wrote this in the Bible: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do… For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.” (Romans 7:15, 18b-19). If he felt that struggle, that pull between wanting good and doing wrong, then it’s part of the human condition, even for believers. It doesn’t excuse the sin, but it shows this battle is real, and God understands it.
God’s Character: Love and Forgiveness
The absolute bedrock truth is God’s character. He is love (1 John 4:8). His forgiveness isn’t based on us promising never to slip up again. It’s based on Jesus. Jesus died for us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8) – He knew the whole messy picture, the stumbles we’d make after saying yes to Him, and He chose to offer forgiveness anyway. His sacrifice covers it all – past, present, and future.
When you come to Him saying sorry, truly meaning it in that moment, He doesn’t roll His eyes. He throws His arms open. Think of the Prodigal Son story (Luke 15:11-32) – the father didn’t wait for a perfect apology or a promise of future perfection. He saw his son coming back, full of shame and regret, and ran to meet him, full of joy and forgiveness. That’s the Father’s heart for you.
Cracking Bible Verses to Hold Onto
Romans 8:1: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” No condemnation. Not ‘less condemnation’, not ‘condemnation if you mess up again’. None.
1 John 1:9: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” It’s His faithfulness, not ours, that guarantees forgiveness.
Psalm 103:12: “…as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” He doesn’t keep a list.
Lamentations 3:22-23: “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Every single morning is a fresh start with His mercy.
Hebrews 4:15-16: “For we do not have a high priest [Jesus] who is unable to empathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Jesus gets it. He faced temptation. Because of Him, we can go boldly to God for help.
Some Practical Bits
Keep Talking
Be honest with God, just like you have been. Tell Him you feel rubbish, tell Him you messed up, tell Him you hate that you sometimes enjoy it, tell Him you feel distant. He can handle your honesty.
Soak in His Forgiveness
When you confess, consciously accept His forgiveness. Don’t just say sorry and keep carrying the guilt. Imagine handing that weight over to Jesus. Remind yourself, “I am forgiven because of Jesus.”
Focus on Grace, Not Just Willpower
Trying harder in your own strength often leads back to the same cycle. Ask the Holy Spirit for help, for strength to turn away, for a change in your desires. It’s His power working in you, not just your own gritted teeth.
Remember Whose You Are
You are a child of God. Your identity isn’t “sinner who keeps messing up”; it’s “beloved child, forgiven and being made new.” Hold onto that truth.
Start Fresh
Remember Lamentations? His mercies are new every morning. Yesterday’s failures are covered. Today is a new day to walk with Him, leaning on His grace.
A Little Prayer For You
Alright Father God, it’s me. Feeling a bit low, Lord, carrying this weight around thinking I’ve let You down again. It feels horrible, Lord, knowing what’s right but still messing up, and sometimes even liking the wrong thing for a bit. Thank You that You know my heart, even the mucky bits.
Please forgive me, Lord. Wash me clean again. Help me to really believe and accept that forgiveness, deep down in my bones, because of what Jesus did. Help me not to see You as disappointed, but as the loving Father You are, grieved by my sin but always ready to welcome me back.
Fill me with Your Spirit, Lord. Give me strength to turn away from the stuff that pulls me down, and help me desire what’s good and right. Remind me who I am in You – forgiven, loved, and Your child.
Lift this weight, Father. Let me feel Your peace and Your love instead. Thank You that Your mercies are new this morning. Help me walk in that today.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
And a Blessing for You
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May He make His face shine upon you, like the sun glinting off the sea down here, and be gracious to you.
May He turn His face toward you, not in disappointment, but in love, and give you His deep, lasting peace, the peace that passes all understanding.
May you know today, right deep in your soul, that you are loved, you are forgiven, and you are His. Go steady now.
Hope that helps lift the burden a bit, mate. God’s grace is bigger than our mess-ups. Hold onto that. And yes, I’m happy this morning, if you’re asking – hope you feel a bit lighter soon too. I do now.
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