This is the post that I started the other day which turned into the Cornish Garden Accessibility post.
Due to Rich’s illness and not being able to drive or walk much a lot of “jobs” fell to me. I love looking after my family and helping people out so threw myself into it…..but I forgot me. I told myself that when he’s better I’ll melt into a puddle, thats what I do, I cope in the here and now and when everything is all right again I go to pieces, but thats ok.
Except it wasn’t; a lovely person at church one day asked how I was, I told her something along the lines above, she asked if I was sleeping I told her I was, I sleep through anything. However as I was saying I was ok I felt myself close to tears, when I walked away and thought about it I realised I was sleeping pretty fitfully.
I survived Christmas on adrenaline, I made loads of presents, I finished the last ones about the 29th December (actually thats not true, Im still working on some, but that’s another story). After this I got tired, emotional and itchy! I couldn’t keep going at the pace I was, my body was telling me enough. Rich has been struggling since last Christmas and although he is fantastic at keeping going, he had not been driving for about 4 months. It was too long.
I made a conscious effort to rest, to sleep and to care for myself. I stopped saying I’ll look after me later and I’ll do that. I took time to sort out my own clothes and discovered items I loved buried, I gave myself permission to get rid of things I didn’t love. I told my tummy “thank you” for giving me two healthy wonderful girls. I allowed myself to sleep in the day if I felt I needed it. I took time to brush my hair and shower, I had kept saying later and ended with matted hair that I somehow wangled in to a bun to sort out later. I allowed myself treats and stressed less about where the money was coming from. Like this back to school treat we had at Relish.
Guess what I got my energy back, my body is no longer so itchy. I’m in a much better place to care for my family and make rational judgements. I have the energy to put my foot down with the girls and lovingly correct them if needed. I have the energy to sit with them while they go to sleep if they are feeling scared and the energy to say no, rather than following the path of least resistance. I feel closer to God and lean on Him more.
This was all helped by the wonderful people around me and some fantastic encouragers on instagram, that constantly put up posts telling each one of us is worth it, we are special, we are unique. We are beloved and worthy of joy, rest and peace. We are allowed and even meant to follow our hearts. This is part of what has got me blogging again. It felt wrong for so long to put my time and energy into something which was not earning money or looking after my family or others around me. That was a lie.
Heres some links to the encouragers:
Check them out and be encouraged. You do not ned an instagram account to view them, although I call my instagram Insta-grin, because so often it makes me smile.
Check out this quote one of my friends recently posted, I love it:
I so want the tweenangels in our youth group to know this in their hearts.
Ps Rich got way better over Christmas and has even started driving again sporadically and is managing longer walks, sadly going back to work and sitting at a desk for 4 hours a day is causing him immense pain again. The saga continues but we continue to put one foot in front of the other.