The Common Cold

I have a common cold!

Wikipedia describes it such:

Common cold, also known simply as a cold, is a viral infectious disease of the upper respiratory tract that primarily affects the nose. The throat, sinuses, and voice box may also be affected. Signs and symptoms may begin less than two days following exposure. They include coughing, sore throat, runny nose, sneezing, headache, and fever. People usually recover in seven to ten days. Some symptoms may last up to three weeks. In those with other health problems, pneumonia may occasionally develop.

It is ghastly. I feel rank with my eyes watering, my nose running, I’m not sleeping and I am going hot and cold.

What irks me the most is we can fly to the moon but we still write this in regard to the cold:

There’s no cure for a cold, but you can look after yourself at home by:
resting, drinking plenty of fluids and eating healthily
taking over-the-counter painkillers, such as paracetamol or ibuprofen, to reduce any fever or discomfort
using decongestant sprays or tablets to relieve a blocked nose
trying remedies such as gargling salt water and sucking on menthol sweets

Source: NHS Website – the common cold

Seriously, gargle salt water – have you ever tried it? Disgusting. And it is irksome and ghastly because I am feeling sorry for myself when really all around me are far greater woes.

As Ogden Nash put it:

Go hang yourself, you old M.D.!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
I’m not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.

By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever’s hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!

Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The F├╝hrer of the Streptococcracy.

Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne’er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.

A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare’s plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!

2 Comments

  1. Anna

    I noticed that under this post it recommends the Elderberry Syrup “miracle cure”. I just wanted to put the record straight – he won’t take it because he thinks it tastes blurghh and looks like Nanny McPhees medicine. Meanwhile the smallest person and I love it and so far are cold free…..

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